• Adenocarcinoma,  ALK,  Anxiety,  Beer,  Bipolar Disorder,  Cancer,  Coping,  Crappy News,  Dan,  Flowers,  Grieving,  Leah,  Lung Cancer,  Metastasis,  NSCLC,  Radiation,  Scanxiety,  Tumors

    After MRI Results

    Dan is super chill. There just isn’t much that can ruffle him. He gets scanxiety (scan anxiety) just like the best of us, but he never really worries or freaks out. The only way I know how to describe him to people is that he is “zen.” There’s not much that can ruffle his feathers. He keeps an even temper, always maintains his sense of humor, and is focused on the simple things each day. I know this sounds super amazing–and I get that. However, I just have to share a caveat that I am MARRIED to him and have loved him for nearly 15 years and that which is the…

  • Anxiety,  Char,  Crappy News,  Dreams,  Family,  Grieving,  Honestly,  Music,  PTSD

    Saturday, November 15 2014

    This week I had my first dream in which I was living and Dan wasn’t. I don’t think my entire life, I have had a dream like that. It was confusing–as most dreams are–with jumbled characters and circumstances. I do remember that I was in a building that housed many rooms like a school, as well as a room for movies. There was music playing in certain rooms. There were groups of people and friends. I think I was in Colorado because Hattie and Sarah and Ryan were there. I went to talk to them at one point about how I could no longer watch / listen to the things…

  • Anniversary,  Cancer,  Crappy News,  Dan,  Gifts,  Joy,  Laughter,  Love,  Optimism

    10 Years and 10 Days

    We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary on Thursday, September 4, 2014. We had some craft beers at The Bitter Monk in McMinnville, followed by tapas at La Rambla. The air was warm with late summer heat but light and breezy so we enjoyed sitting outside. He looked very handsome. I loved touching him and looking at him and really felt as enamored with him as I had ten years before when we dated. I was proud to be his wife. (I also made sure to look as good as possible for him. I remember when I finished dressing and walked into the kitchen where he was talking with the babysitter,…