Hospital care, having Raine's bag and car seat ready to go for a sitter, dinner arriving in a box |
The prelude to winter began with Dan’s hospitalization November 1st. I spent the day wrestling with my intuition that I needed a significant break–things were getting to be too much and I felt super fragile. I talked to the HR manager at work and decided to take a leave of absence for the month of November. I came home and told Dan, only to discover he was developing a fever. I needed to take him to the ER so my abrupt decision suddenly seemed genius. Honestly, I felt like I really couldn’t put a price on the relief I felt to not have to call in and get a shift covered for the next day at 7:00 a.m.
Millenium Park "Bean" photo by Dan |
As fragile as I felt that day, you would never know it. I immediately go into autopilot when needed. I examined the leg, called the doctor, packed a hospital bag, woke up Raine and took him to Rachel, drove Dan to the ER, and helped communicate his symptoms, needs, history, and meds to the nurses. Then I stocked up on snacks and drinks that Dan likes and turned on Neflix on the laptop so he could watch something while we waited. I left just before they admitted him at 2 a.m. and returned home to sleep before picking up Raine and taking him to school in the morning. After that, I loaded up on caffeine and packed Raine’s babysitter bag, fed the pets, and returned to the hospital.
I’m not going to lie. I am still traumatized by the first few days of his symptoms, admission and transfer to the hospitals, and the devastating diagnosis we were given. I have a little nip of PTSD, and when I need to go to the hospital, or Dan makes a strange noise from another room in the house, or really, anything seems odd–I am on high alert. I think most of you who have experienced these sort of medical traumas or any other trauma due to death, military duty, natural disaster, or abuse can empathize. Our bodies sense that trigger and we can’t always predict how we will react. It all happens in our bodies so fast. So far, I get super competent and organized. (And then there is a disastrous aftermath where I eat too many cupcakes, cry for days and can’t leave my bed, or drink myself into an oblivion). Or my body releases adrenaline and I mentally have no idea what to do with it. There might be twitching, raging, or crying. Who knows?
Good times in Chicago with brother Doug and bestie Art |
NOT TO BE SUCH A DEBBIE DOWNER.
Dan has had a pretty enjoyable winter. The cellulitis hasn’t returned for the past 3 months. He packs in a lot of fun into his schedule when he isn’t down and out after chemo rounds. He is taking full advantage of seeing friends who fly into Chicago, his brother and family, and friends here in central Illinois. Not to mention me and Raine–He gets a dose of us everyday and usually the pros outweigh the cons. Ha!
Also, every three months Dan has scans to monitor previous tumors and potential new ones–it initiates major scanxiety and it’s no joke. Recent bummer news and losses in the small NSCLC community we are a part of further discouraged us recently. However, upon the most recent review, March 1st, everything remains stable.
[High five!]
If you would like to be hands-on helpers, we now have a Caring Bridge account that lists tasks on a calendar as requests for help. Check it out. It’s in early stages but I’m trying to update it daily. My blog posts related to his condition will also be copied to that account.
MELISSA: high five lovely!!!!!! Yay for stable results on the scan. I love you three, miss you tremendously and cannot wait to see you next month!!!!
ReplyDeleteAlso, cheers to you on this International Women’s Day – you are the strongest woman I have ever met and I am so proud to be your friend and have you all in my life. I cherish you.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
I know!! I am SO looking forward to it!
DeleteI cherish you too.
And ladies (Kristi, Annalisa,Mel) keep those group texts coming! They make me laugh so much!
APRIL: Love you, girl. Keep up the incredibly demanding but rewarding work. Prayers of uplift from us are sent your way daily.You’re an angel, and a lovely one at that. ❤️️
ReplyDeleteThank you, dear friend.
DeleteANNALISA: You are such a badass mamma rockstar inspiration. Sending oodles of love and support your way. You are a beam of joyous light and I agree with Mel’s comment; All hail the superwoman Leah who embodies strength and grace and fierce honesty! So lucky to know you xox
ReplyDeleteYou are way too kind. (But I'll take it!)
DeleteVAUGHNA COCHENOUR: You are such an amazing family. I really enjoy reading your posts, I feel like I am right there with you in every breath, tear, and warp speed critical alert. You are all amazing, truly! Much love to you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Vaughna. It is great to hear that Ryan and Kristin have been having small steps with positive news!!!
Delete